I fight with my husband.

“We’re just on the same page” is a phrase we would always say when we started dating.  I was 20 and Andrew 22.  We were smitten.  I loved him because how he made me feel.  I felt special, adored, respected, spoiled, taken care of and encouraged.  From an outsider things moved very quickly but with us it seemed very natural.

Babies, marriage, new city, new house, new carriers. Seasons changed and so did I.  I wore different clothes, listened to different music, had new opinions, new ideas, and new issues. Our phrase was not used. Now I didn’t even know if we were in the same book.  I struggled. I  felt discouraged.  My fight was against my husband.  My energy went to convincing my point, proving why I was right, and relishing in “I told you so”.  I was exhausted and emotionally drained.

In that place I surrendered and learned to Forgive.  I forgave my husband but I also forgave myself for carrying so much baggage.  Jesus taking it all allowed me to walk freely and come into my identity.  In that place I worked on me.  Therefore I was able to love better.  I love my husband because of who he is; not just because of how he made me feel.  He is strong, brilliant, he has unconditional love for our children, he is kind and giving, hard working and humble, not to mention super cute.  I then realized that my fight shouldn’t be against him, I should fight “with” him.

We are on the same side.  We disagree not to prove our own point but to understand each others.  Every day we are not always on the same page but our motive is to get there.  Daily I make a choice.  I choose to love him because of him.  Just like children we change.  We stay true to ourselves and the foundation of faith but we learn, develop, grow and mature.  And it’s our choice to fight together.

For his side of their Real Marriage, check back tomorrow…and bring your kleenex 🙂

-Britt

 

Honesty, integrity, beauty, modesty, this list could go on and on. I don’t want to pump her tires too much but Brittanie Bates is genuinely one of the greatest additions you could ever imagine having in your life. She doesn’t know her full potential which makes sense as its entirely infinite.  She will also punch you in the throat and gouge your eyes out if the occasion was to arise and don’t try to get up or she’ll go for your groin.  This is the woman I am married to.

She is not who I had pictured.  Marriage is not what I had pictured.

‘Til death do us part. Sounds easy right? Get married and enjoy each others company until the inevitable happens and somebody croaks. We started building our relationship quickly. We fell in love, literally falling for each other; which is dangerous when you can just as easily fall out of love. We started building beautiful elaborate walls to hold our relationship, built a roof over it which was designed to withstand hurricanes and meteor showers. We had designed and built amazing love. It was a marriage Disney would try to replicate. The only thing in sight was happily ever after. One day she noticed a crack in the wall. After pointing it out to me I shrugged replying it must be faulty materials as we had spent painstaking time constructing the wall it couldn’t be at our fault. Then all of the walls began to crack. Eventually we looked under the house. We had been so busy trying to build our life together to sit back and enjoy the ride we had neglected to build a foundation.

Thank God, literally, that we were both to stubborn too just walk away and start building new. I sometimes wonder if part of what Brittanie loves about me is the challenge.

We looked at our relationship closely, agreeing that we had both forgotten this integral step. Not really talking much about it simply knowing what needed to be done, we accepted the challenge of adding a foundation to an already existing home. We had no idea what we were doing. We’ve learnt humbleness in asking for help from each other and others. There is no other woman I would go through the effort for.

Britt helps me to remember not to stop, to pursue our dreams and then x them by 1000. She  pushes me off the edge when I’m scared and hesitate, anchors me when I pull in the wrong direction and supports me in failure. She’s shown me a different definition of strength. Britt looks at our mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow from.

I am better with her, I love her, I like her. We are better together than any other option. (options are endless and I’ve got a good imagination)

Together we are a force to be reckoned with.

mar·riage
/merij/
noun
1. the legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman (or, in some jurisdictions, two people of the same sex) as partners in a relationship.
“a happy marriage”
-Oxford Dictionary

Marriage cannot be so simply defined. It may better be defined as; the hardest most magically frightening fragile endeavour on which two people may embark on together. A beautiful loving beast which cannot be given but only received.

I can’t wait to jump off the next cliff together.

-Andrew

Lindsay

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