Photo Credit: Brendan Nogue Photography

Polish the diamond: how to dwell in a beautiful marriage after 10, 15, 20, 30, 50 years!

You know that beautiful diamond, the gold band, the shiny something wrapped around your finger that signifies to the world you are married? Look down…… yes that one ……… you polish it every now and again right? Move it around your finger? Take care of it? So too for your beautiful and shiny marriage.

Imagine if that ring never moved, as if it were glued to your finger. The skin underneath that ring couldn’t breathe and it would become uncomfortable. Dirt would start getting trapped between the settings and under the band. It would no longer be a thing of beauty: it would be dull and darn annoying.

The same goes for your marriage.

I’m not kidding.

I have been married for 15 years and counting so I don’t say this lightly: keep polishing the diamond that is your marriage.

What the heck am I talking about? Let me be clear: I’m not talking about the much discussed “work at your marriage people!”. Nope. Not at all.

I mean something entirely different.

Don’t let dirt settle on your marriage. Don’t stagnate. Don’t let the sediment build up. Ever.

After this many years it would be so easy to take my husband for granted. It would be so easy to fall into simply living with him habitually. Most people think of habits in terms of who does the laundry, the vacuuming, and what we eat for dinner on Thursday nights. I am pointing to something else…… our habits of thought.

Throughout marriage we have thought an awful lot of thoughts about our partners! All these thoughts can pile on-top of each other creating a virtual reality model of them that can be mistaken for reality. When they enter the room, we may miss the person entirely and speak to our thoughts about them, rather than the actual lovely person we are married to. We may be trapped into having a relationship to our thinking about partner, rather than the actual person! Our thinking creates blockages and static in our relationships and we become disconnected. Our thinking dulls the shine of the diamond that is our precious relationships. This is when people inside a marriage become lonely and their hearts start to close.

So how do you polish the diamond? How do you keep the shine?

Start to pay attention to that voice in your head. Doesn’t it just talk all the time and say the most outrageously liable things? Thank goodness no one else can hear! Especially your partner and it always has something to say to them, that’s for sure! Every time you see their sweet face, watch how the voice in your head starts talking about them; describing them; attempting to predict their behaviour and guess what they are thinking. This thinking is covering up and obscuring the beauty of your marriage. There is no need to try to stop the flow of thinking that you experience (good luck with that!) but rather, stop listening to, and believing, everything you think! Open up your mind and heart again to enable you to see clearly and let the love flow. Meet your partner like it is the first time, every time (even if they have just popped into the room to find the car keys!). Let them surprise and delight you so you both can shine.

polish the diamond

Tammy Furey

Tammy Furey works as a coach, blogger and writer for parents who want to find more peace, calm and enjoyment from their parenting and have less stress, anxiety and depression. Tammy has been happily married for 15 years and has one daughter who she refers to as "Missy M" in her blog posts and articles. For more parenting resources, visit www.fureycoaching.com/parenting www.facebook.com/tammyfurey

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